01 February 2007

Bost-OWNED

Yesterday, Boston was placed on high alert by BPD, the FBI, Homeland Security, and whatever other branch of government there is that doesn't know who Err the Mooninite is.

It was frightening at first - 9 Suspicious Packages found strategically placed on bridges and at hospitals? Packages that have the makings of explosives minus the actual explosive content? That's scary shit and that's all they would tell us. After 9/11, that's not a smart move, is it?

All day, we were shown no images of these suspicious devices. Terms like, "detonated the device" and "neutralized situation" were thrown around. We were given no more information past "potential threats to the city".

That is, until the blogosphere got a hold on some images of one of the devices and figured out what was going on in about 20 minutes.

Basically, the suspicious devices found all over the city were NOT circuit boards wired for bombs, they were advanced, battery operated light brites with a magnetic backing placed in strategic locations around the city... as part of an Adult Swim marketing campaign. Hell, there's even speculation that the Adult Swim logo was on them. Lord knows that as soon as anyone between the ages of 18 and 30 saw one, we knew that the threat to the city, was in fact, Err the Mooninite giving us all the finger.

Not only that, but according to Tuner Broadcasting, the parent company that will be held ultimately responsible for this "hoax", these devices have also been placed in 10 major cities including: New York, San Francisco, Atlanta, Philadelphia, Chicago, etc.

So hilarious I almost peed my pants laughing.

How stupid is this city and how blown out of proportion was this?!? It boggles my mind that most people are proud of the way the city reacted to this crisis and want to see Turner brought up on federal charges.

Me?

I want to see the people responsible for keeping our city safe really think about how they reacted yesterday.

Not enough was done to assuage the public fears; instead we were fed with Post 9/11 key words. Perhaps worse, they didn't fully examine the "devices" or the internet leads that were flooding in BEFORE the city was brought to a standstill.

Only in Boston could we mistake guerilla marketing for a terrorist threat and then blame the marketing company for installing them... 2 weeks ago.

Bost-OWNED indeed.

30 January 2007

The Past Few Days: A Longwinded Recap

Sunday, January 28: 24, Finally!
This Sunday brought about a very lazy day spent quasi in-bed (on bed?) with the Most Attentive Boy On the Planet and Jack Bauer. Honestly, I don't know how the day could get better.

Oh wait, yes I do, give me Jack in HD and don't care (much) that I refuse to talk, look, or otherwise take my attention away from the TV while he's on. Fast forward through the majority of the commercials so that there's no TV down time.

Monday, January 29: Don't talk smack when your team sucks.
I dragged my sorry, sleepy ass into work about 30 minutes late and proceeded to have intermittent panic attacks throughout the day.

Yes, I can do 358495834 things in the afternoon. Breathe?Who needs to do that? Not this girl (apparently)*.

So, hellish day of work. This was offset by the promise of the Bruins/Rangers game at 7:00pm, prefaced by dinner at the restaurant of my vegetarian choosing. Well, my restaurant idea didn't work out so well and we ended up in Faneuil Hall eating from the food stands. Not bad... if you're not a vegetarian. Still, it's my own damn fault for not planning better and I'm just shocked that I wasn't hated for it.

After a very quick dinner, we headed back to the Fleetcenter** to watch the Boston Bruins get served by the New York Rangers.

Seriously.
Served
.
6-1 in hockey is not a close game; hell, 6-1 in most sports isn't close.


While witnessing the massacre on ice I was also amused that our seats were located directly next to and in front a group of kids from Albany. Most amusing was the guy sitting directly next to me - hilarious, loud, and from NY? Yes, please, sit me near him.

After the game we headed back to the apartment to watch Jack Bauer kick some more ass and generally reprise lazy Sunday... all well and good except I didn't end up leaving Lazy Sunday: Part Deux until after 1:00am.

NOT COOL when I had to be at the office at 8:30am.


Tonight?

Well, tonight I will be spending some quality time with my bed and my space heater.


*maybe I should have been steadily doing work instead of reasearching coffins on Costco in the morning...

**yes the Fleetcenter. Not the Bank of America Center. Not the TD BankNorth Garden. It's the GD Fleetcenter, ok?!

29 January 2007

Purchasing for the Afterlife... in bulk

In an attempt to avoid work more often than usual today I decided to check out the Costco website for any sales or promos that they might be having on bulk products such as hot chocolate, mayonaise, or toilet paper.

I have to say, Costco does have some pretty great deals on all of the above - that however, is not all that it carries - apparently in addition to bulk products, discount clothing, and affordable appliances Costco now sells coffins.

Yes, coffins.

Now everyone can be laid to rest in a fancy box without breaking the bank.

I'm not sure how I feel about this - it's a mixture of digust and peculiar approval.

26 January 2007

Resolving resolutions like it's our job

So this year Super Best Friend and I decided that we were going to make our resolutions together to ensure they were seen through to completion.

For me, this meant that I needed to find and date a boy who was not a startlingly disgusting bag of douche. For Super Best Friend, this meant taking her first steps into the working world and beginning a career.

It is now January 26th.
I have successfully gone on a date with someone who is not an asshole.
Super Best Friend has landed herself a job.


I know - we resolved those things quick.

So quick in fact that we are currently coming up with Phase II of our New Year's Resolutions.
If these are also completed in a month's time I'm going to start calling the phase's monthly aspirations vs. yearly resolutions.

24 January 2007

PhiloNYE in Review

Not only did I not show my lovely lady bits to the genteel folk of Rittenhouse Square and the rest of Philadelphia I also did not do any of the following, a great improvement from BoNYE 2006:

Kiss random strangers or friends in a drunken stupor. I did kiss my fair share of GBFs and had my neck molested in an altogether fine fashion by my GH John. I'm certain that people thought we were madly in love; and we were --with our Grey Goose and cranberry.

Mysteriously vanish from the bar like a sketchball. This act was fast on its way to becoming a LindsoNYE tradition what with leaving Aer with that ridiculous guitar player in 2005 and running away after creating the most ridiculous signature move ever (hint: it involves a hand and it's gentle). I actually missed being Sketchy McSketcherson this year, but the activity was somewhat hindered by my lack of knowledge of the streets of Philadelphia. Sketchy McSketcherson is all fine and good until she turns up dead in the Schuylkill.

Bring a large bag of pepperoni and a Costco sized box of Ritz crackers. I knew this was a mistake from the minute I brought it to BoNYE because, much like the Gentle Hand, the tradition now lives on. Charlie and Asian Mike brought it this year and DAMN did it reek.

What did I do, you ask?

Got propositioned by our cab driver. Of course, this is after he tried to charge us a flat rate of $40.00 for our ride home when it really only costs $15.00 or so. Seriously? You already tried to screw me in one way buddy, attempting to do it in an altogether different manner is going to be met with similar results. And laughter.

Drank a bottle of champagne by 3:30pm. On it's own, not a grand feat for my bionic liver - couple it with the fact that the bottle was placed in my hand at 3:00 or so - after I'd already have a Pom martini - and you've got yourself a story.

Played Mafia. Lots of mafia. I must have been rusty because damned if I was just sucking the entire game.

Fought in Public. That's right kids, John and I got into a fight at the Bellevue hotel party. About my sex life. For those of you who couldn't make it out to this monumental event, I feel sorry for you. It was pretty amazing.

All in all, PhiloNYE went off without a hitch - I had fun, got wrecked, didn't show my unmentionables, and got into a very public screaming match in a very swish ballroom.

18 December 2006

Just Cause She Dances on a Pole...

This past Saturday found me (and five friends) swinging around a pole in 6-inch heels and underwear.

No joke.

It also found us learning the finer points of the strip tease, the exotic dance, and how turn a plain old chair into something obscene. Oh right, and it taught everyone else how to pick up a $20 dollar bill with their thighs (this was the one skill that eluded me and will, I expect, until I stop going to the gym).

PhiloNYE now has the potential to turn into something very disturbing indeed.

You see, I am stupid. Very stupid. I am even more moronic when Liquid Stupidity hits my bloodstream. On top of all of this stupidity there is a distinct lack of grace and an even larger lack of shame. I am nothing if not a proud and drunken giraffe in a china shop.


Unedited pictures, I am sure, will be posted after the New Year by my compatriots and I expect more than one to include involuntary shots of my panties and/or me falling off of a street sign pole, legs in a pretzel that I won't be able to untwist on my own.

...and I expect to be smiling like a fuckin' moron when all this goes down.

13 December 2006

Republicans don't eat soy.

...and now we know why. Clearly, it's because soy is an active ingredient in homosexuality - among other things. It also causes breast cancer and pediatric leukemia, stunts penile growth, and causes early onset menses*.

Oh, right, and soy kills babies too. Can't forget that.

This man and people like him actually believe that soy = the devil's food. Now kids, that's not to be confused with soy sauce. Soy sauce is fine because it's been fermented. Perfectly safe. High sodium content? Psh. Sodium doesn't increase your risk of heart disease at all.

Clearly, I need to rethink my dietary choices.

EDIT: I guess I'm not the only who finds the bible-totin' retard linked above annoying - even Scientific American has posted a response in it's blog.

*for all you boys out there who got to watch Fantasia in primary school when the girls had to watch a mom make the female reproductive system out of pancakes in "I Got It!" menses = period)

06 December 2006

Who missed me???

Yes, dear readers (if there are, in fact, any of you left) I am still alive. Apologies for dropping off the face of the earth but you see, unlike Tom (http://a20261.blogspot.com) I actually have to do work at work.

So why you might ask, am I not working right now? Why instead am I updating my very neglected blog??? I'm not going to beat around the bush on this one - my work laptop died and I can pretty much do diddly squat until a new harddrive is purchased and my information is all recovered.

God bless my IT department that actually does their job.

Quick life update only as I still do have things I can hypothetically be doing at the moment without the aid of my stored files.

*Work
Work is swell. I finally found a job that treats me well, has cool people, allows me to work from home and/or create my own hours (more or less). Indentured servitude is finally over and I have reached the promise-land!

*School
I am now 24 - that is viable adulthood, my friends, and it still scares the shit out of me. What scares me even more though is the very idea of pulling together my graduate school applications and taking the accompanying STANDARDIZED TEST. Um, hi, ETS, can you please not be such douchebags this time around? Don't stand there looking shocked - I haven't forgotten the SAT Math debacle of 1999.

*Personal
I'm blonde again and, for the first time since The End of the Relationship, enjoying the single life. This may be because I finally realize what a Dave Matthews listening tool box the boy was... or it could be because I preferred a nice book to a roll around in the sheets with Mr. DMB any day. Who knows? Better yet, who cares?

11 October 2006

You Can't Make This Up

From: IT Guy
To: Chasing Ordinary
Subject: Hi

Hi,

I hope I am not out of line, but you look like million bucks today! Not that you don’t everyday…just a little more so today. Have a good rest of today. :)

IT Guy

06 October 2006

Celebrity Look-a-like Contest

I have a co-worker who insists that I look like Elliot from Scrubs. This is not the first time someone has told me this. Actually, I am quite frequently told I look like Elliot and/or Kirsten Dunst.

I for one, am sick of these two comparisons. Which one is it?

kirsten1
Kirsten Dunst?

275px-Sarah_chalke
Sarah Chalke?

244617351_l
...or just Lindsay?