Just Cause She Dances on a Pole...

This past Saturday found me (and five friends) swinging around a pole in 6-inch heels and underwear.

No joke.

It also found us learning the finer points of the strip tease, the exotic dance, and how turn a plain old chair into something obscene. Oh right, and it taught everyone else how to pick up a $20 dollar bill with their thighs (this was the one skill that eluded me and will, I expect, until I stop going to the gym).

PhiloNYE now has the potential to turn into something very disturbing indeed.

You see, I am stupid. Very stupid. I am even more moronic when Liquid Stupidity hits my bloodstream. On top of all of this stupidity there is a distinct lack of grace and an even larger lack of shame. I am nothing if not a proud and drunken giraffe in a china shop.

Unedited pictures, I am sure, will be posted after the New Year by my compatriots and I expect more than one to include involuntary shots of my panties and/or me falling off of a street sign pole, legs in a pretzel that I won't be able to untwist on my own.

...and I expect to be smiling like a fuckin' moron when all this goes down.

Republicans don't eat soy.

...and now we know why. Clearly, it's because soy is an active ingredient in homosexuality - among other things. It also causes breast cancer and pediatric leukemia, stunts penile growth, and causes early onset menses*.

Oh, right, and soy kills babies too. Can't forget that.

This man and people like him actually believe that soy = the devil's food. Now kids, that's not to be confused with soy sauce. Soy sauce is fine because it's been fermented. Perfectly safe. High sodium content? Psh. Sodium doesn't increase your risk of heart disease at all.

Clearly, I need to rethink my dietary choices.

EDIT: I guess I'm not the only who finds the bible-totin' retard linked above annoying - even Scientific American has posted a response in it's blog.

*for all you boys out there who got to watch Fantasia in primary school when the girls had to watch a mom make the female reproductive system out of pancakes in "I Got It!" menses = period)

Who missed me???

Yes, dear readers (if there are, in fact, any of you left) I am still alive. Apologies for dropping off the face of the earth but you see, unlike Tom (http://a20261.blogspot.com) I actually have to do work at work.

So why you might ask, am I not working right now? Why instead am I updating my very neglected blog??? I'm not going to beat around the bush on this one - my work laptop died and I can pretty much do diddly squat until a new harddrive is purchased and my information is all recovered.

God bless my IT department that actually does their job.

Quick life update only as I still do have things I can hypothetically be doing at the moment without the aid of my stored files.

*Work
Work is swell. I finally found a job that treats me well, has cool people, allows me to work from home and/or create my own hours (more or less). Indentured servitude is finally over and I have reached the promise-land!

*School
I am now 24 - that is viable adulthood, my friends, and it still scares the shit out of me. What scares me even more though is the very idea of pulling together my graduate school applications and taking the accompanying STANDARDIZED TEST. Um, hi, ETS, can you please not be such douchebags this time around? Don't stand there looking shocked - I haven't forgotten the SAT Math debacle of 1999.

*Personal
I'm blonde again and, for the first time since The End of the Relationship, enjoying the single life. This may be because I finally realize what a Dave Matthews listening tool box the boy was... or it could be because I preferred a nice book to a roll around in the sheets with Mr. DMB any day. Who knows? Better yet, who cares?