Boston Transportation System

Taking the T in Boston during rush hour is what I imagine taking the subway in Hong Kong during any hour is like; overflowing with people who are all desperately trying to push and shove their body into a space the size of an American Girl doll.

Fortunate for Hong Kong, the average Chinese citizen is not the size of the mother from What's Eating Gilbert Grape?.

Unfortunate for Boston (and all U.S. public transportation systems come to that), the average American is closer in size to Mrs. Bonnie Grape than say, the average terrestrial inhabitant, making the morning commute a disgusting tangle of foreign limbs that you cannot put a piece of paper between.

Further exacerbating the spacial issues are Stair Sitters*. These are the people who, instead of standing like the rest of us that don't live in Newton or wherever else the T originates, just plop their ass down wherever they see fit. They are usually obese and reading a piece of junk food literature.

As luck would have it, this morning I was the lucky bitch** whose feet got sandwiched between two of the largest Stair Sitters around, both with noses buried in the McDonald's of literary efforts.

Once they realized their airspace was being violated by a few inches of skin and bone, the Chewbacca noises started along with a few elbow rolls purposely bumped against my jeans for good measure.

Tradtionally, this is the point where a person will try to move and end up grinding against someone else so that the Stair Sitters are appeased.

This is also the point where the only movements I make are from ballet class.



A harumph to get us started? My feet make the move from fifth position to fourth.

Another sigh? Third position.

A wookie mating call perhaps? Second position.

Silence usually follows. Sometimes they even stand, too annoyed to read anymore of their Jennifer Weiner book with Cameron Diaz on the cover.

*By nature, Stair Sitters are rude motherfuckers.

**Unfortuately, by nature New Yorkers can also be rude motherfuckers without the exaggerated exhaling (note: we are not constantly rude, despite popular opinion. Boston is much more unfriendly than NYC).