How to Enrage Me

This morning I got up at 7:15 after only 4 hours of sleep (thanks very much, graduate school reading assignments!). As you can probably guess, I was looking forward to a huge mug of already made coffee thanks to my kick-ass programmable coffee maker.

That is not, however, what I got. What I got was a COMPLETELY empty coffee pot, already drained by my frat-tastic roommate who must believe that I'm the most altruistic bitch on the face of God's damned green earth.

Well, new and frat-tastic roommate, I am NOT a nice person in general.
I am an especially not nice person before I get my coffee in the morning. OUT OF MY COFFEE POT. AFTER PULLING CLOSE TO AN ALL NIGHTER.

...I miss living with a girlfriend who would never a) drink the entire pot or b) would remake fresh coffee in the event that she did (so unlikely) drink up every last drop.

I never realized how much office environment mattered until I took my current position.

The office I work in is old and run-down, with white painted walls, threadbare red carpet, fluorescent lighting (no natural light at all), institutional furniture, and a skeleton staff that look more like zombies than people. Honestly, it would be more at home in a warehouse or a prison than midtown Manhattan.

I know that I'm the one who was pushing so hard to get out of a cube culture and into my own office but not this. This is literally what my version of hell looks like.

I'd give up a door and walls any day to get my old cubes at Comverse or Pohly back - at least they had plants, natural light, and people around.

Here's to Spring Semester Saturdays

Goodbye, life. Hello, school and work.

Courtesy of Boyfriend:

Disgusted

Last night I came home, turned on the news, and saw my high school. A 15 year old girl was allegedly gang-raped by five or more other students in one of the bathrooms after school hours.

...there's not really anything else that I can say in this post except I'm so disgusted and ashamed with the town that I come from right now.

Going to the Movies Means Eating Greasy Popcorn

This was seriously one of the best movies I've seen in a really long time. It was funny, sweet, and incredibly heartbreaking at the same time. Bonus points for an awesome soundtrack that I liked so much I purchased it on iTunes this morning.

If I ever have to leave Manhattan, Queens is going to be my next stop.

"...some Hollis residents helped capture him when he broke into one's apartment with a hammer. When they heard news that he was suspected for rape, one said, 'If we had known he was a rapist, he wouldn't have made it off this block.'"

- excerpt from Gothamist entry regarding Robert Williams, the man suspected of one of the more publicized rape crimes last year.

My God, Jim Rutz is crazy. And crazy makes for some great blogging.

an excerpt from the 10 Things I Don't Understand "editorial" written by Mr. Rutz and published this past year on his bastion of impartial news, WorldNetDaily:

"9. Why haven't academics discovered that the world is very rapidly becoming all-Christian?

Again in "Megashift," I've done the math. Jesus is winning, Muhammad is losing (along with atheism, Buddhism and Hinduism). Although straight-line projections NEVER go in a straight line, the entire population of the world would be born-again Christians, under current trends, by 2032. Isn't that worth a line in the newspapers somewhere?"

What a fucking wack-a-doo.

Click the link above to read the other things he doesn't get - like evolution ("It takes a monumental leap of dopey faith to get from protozoa to fish to Jessica Alba") and why the world doesn't find resurrections from the dead newsworthy.

You'll pee your pants laughing.

The End

10... the number of glasses of expensive champagne I consumed thanks to our very generous host
9... drops that were put in my poor, infected eye over the course of New Year's Eve Day
8... minutes of arguing done in Union Square on early New Year's Eve
7... dollars - the amount of money it cost to get from StuyTown to a different world
6... avenue blocks I walked in heels (ouch)
5... how many times I went to the bathroom just to marvel at the architecture
4... people I knew at the party
3... the number of glasses of Kristal I consumed (again, thanks very much to our very generous host)
2... New Year's kisses I received
1... other place I would have rather been instead

Happy New Year, everyone.

What's that you say? It's Christmas? Could've fooled me.

I just got back from spending my Christmas Eve at the movies with Stacy.

First of all, there is something very wrong with that sentence. Christmas Eve is meant to be spent eating Chinese food and watching the Muppet Christmas Carol in my parent's living room, next to the fireplace and the Christmas tree, not in a movie theatre. It is not meant to be spent in a Frank Theatres (I shit you not) watching a movie that should have been called "Inappropriate and the Makeshift Family Reunion" instead of "Margot at the Wedding".

Whoever gave this movie a decent review is a) deranged or b) too embarrassed to admit that, like the rest of the world, they just didn't get it.

What was it about?
Why was Jack Black crying?
Are the neighbors vampires?
Why doesn't that kid wear deodorant?
What made Nicole Kidman do this movie?

The world will never know.

Seriously, I don't think that I have ever before said at the end of a movie, "What the hell was that even about?"

No idea, folks. None. And now I'm sitting here in my home sweet Residence Inn by myself listening to the timer on the fake fireplace as I stare at the pathetic tabletop Christmas tree my mom decorated today.